Surprisingly, human beings are born narcissistic. As infants we’re completely enthralled with ourselves. Everything in the Universe revolves around the Big Me, and “the other people” exist merely to fit our needs. This attitude continues into childhood, until we begin to care about other people in a similar way to how we care for ourselves.

Similarly, later in life, people go through narcissistic stints. Hugh hits 40 and spends his retirement fund (meant to provide for he and his wife in their later years) and buys a Dodge Viper. He doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings, or their future life together. He doesn’t care about anything but meeting his wants and needs for right now. Then there is Lorie who moves directly from grad school back into her parents house. She pretends not to notice her mom’s nudging, but honestly, she just doesn’t care if she’s a bother. She isn’t ready to get a job and move out.

Narcissism tends to pop up whenever people go through transitions. You may feel this way the next time you’re trying to figure out your role in life. Once you do, you stop thinking about all the wonderful things you have to offer and remember you have opportunities to improve.

When is Narcissism a Problem?

If during those transitional times, particularly as a young child, your search for your place is interrupted, you stop relying on others to help you. You become an independent component in the Universe, a world unto yourself. You no longer need others. Therefore, what you do is perfect, and there is no room for improvement. This is different from a perfectionist who fears criticism. Narcissists don’t believe others’ criticism has any merit.

Narcissism is a problem because it keeps you from improving your circumstances. It’s also terrible on the people around you. True narcissists will lie, cheat, abuse and steal. No matter what they do, they feel justified in doing it.

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