We urge children from an early age not to “tattle” on others, but when it comes to bullying, “tattling” is often the best policy. Even if the other child has excellent conflict resolution skills, bullies typically need intervention on a larger level. It’s important to get adults involved in the situation as quickly as possible to prevent more students from being harmed. Children should feel secure in taking this course of action, and it will make them feel better about themselves in the long run.

If your child feels physically threatened by a bully, and interventions at the school aren’t helping, you might help him learn how to protect himself. Enrolling your child in a martial arts program is one option. Some parents like to simply teach their children how to throw a punch. Violence isn’t the solution to bullying, but if a child feels less threat of physical harm when confronted by a bully, they will feel more confident with the entire situation and will be less likely to give in to the bully’s demands.

Cyber bullying is a recent addition to the arsenal of bullies. Some young people who otherwise never would have engaged in bullying can be drawn in by the anonymity of the internet. Since you can’t physically strike someone online, cyber bullying falls into the realm of relational aggression, a form of bullying that uses relationships to hurt others. Relational aggression can be particularly damaging to a child’s confidence because it preys on her most sensitive feelings like wanting to belong. Help your child see that the cyber bullies are just being hurtful and help her remember all of her positive qualities.

Unfortunately, bullying doesn’t go away just because you’re an adult, though. There are manipulative and just plain mean people in the world, from the neighbor who invites himself over to use your pool to the co-worker who strong-arms you into doing her work for her. It’s best to report them to the appropriate channels, but otherwise, don’t let them affect you and your life. Remember that bullies draw power from their effect on you and take confidence in your positive qualities.

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