Negative Friends (Part 1)
We all have them – friends who drain our self-confidence. Maybe we’ve been friends for years, or attend the same church or sports club. Maybe we work together and severing ties could hurt us on the job. Then again, maybe we’re ignoring a real problem and using them as a scapegoat.
When speaking of self-confidence, a good friend is someone who helps you maintain a positive, realistic expectation that you can live a good life. This person is supportive, loyal and Active when you need them.
Let’s take a look at Jill and Jean. They met several years ago through their children, and have stayed loosely in touch ever since. After Jill’s family moved, she came back to visit a few times, and invited Jean to her home. They always support each other, they give advice when they think it’s needed, and see one another two or three times a year. These are healthy friends.
What is a bad friend?
Bad friends can be people we see everyday who we believe are supportive, loyal and caring. A closer look at their actions, and our responses, tells a different story.
Chris and Lilly talk together on a daily basis. They became friends after coaching soccer together. Chris also teaches at Lilly’s son’s school. After she drops her son off in the morning she stops in at Chris’s room, then goes to the office and gossips with the secretaries. Too often she shares Chris’ personal business and it’s raising eyebrows on the job.
Unless someone tells Chris what’s going on, he’s probably not going to find out. He may go on believing Lilly is a friend until it causes a significant problem. She seems supportive, and always willing to listen to his problems. In fact, she encourages him to talk about them.
Actions Speak Louder
Going back to Jill and Jean, when they get together they talk about their families and fun things they are doing with them. They talk about hobbies and latest news on interests they enjoy. They also make an effort to see one another, and to extend an invitation. Their relationship is give and take.