Dealing with negative friends can be tough, but negative family can be a nightmare. Some people will feel you owe them just because you’re related. Others will drain on your emotions until you have no energy left to make decisions, or progress of your own. Being robbed of this power can keep you from feeling self-confident.

Set Your Boundaries

We all have guidelines for behaviors we will and won’t accept. It’s unrealistic to think people will only make us happy all of the time, but with boundaries in place, you’ll deal with problems less.

It is okay to apply these boundaries to everyone. Your parents have no more right to abuse you than the bill collector. If you wouldn’t take treatment from a stranger without complaining, then make sure to stick up to the loved ones in your life too.

Lee lives about a block from her elderly mother, and every morning at 5:00 the phone starts to ring. The requests come non-stop until finally it’s time for her to go to work. By the time Lee gets home, there are several messages on her machine.

This constant barrage of responsibility is making Lee tired and angry. She wouldn’t accept this treatment from a bill collector, so why does she put up with it from mom? Guilt. Ever since her father died, Lee’s mother has been listless. Her daughter is afraid of what she might do without support.

Lee’s actions aren’t meeting up with her intentions. She wants to offer her mom love and caring, but her frustration starts to interfere. Their discussions now are short and snippy, and Lee’s mother is becoming even more insecure about her future.

Lee needs to figure out how many calls a day is right for her, and how many trips a week she can make for her mother. Not how many she should, but how many she can do without becoming resentful. That is what will make her mother feel unsupported, so that is the problem to be avoided.

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