The most important step to being confident is to believe that you’re worthy of being confident. This can require an entire change in your mindset until you’re truly happy with the person you’ve become. It might not be easy, and it might not be a quick change, but it’s well worth the effort.

Self-talk is one form of building confidence through positive thinking. Positive affirmations can replace negative thoughts in your mind and lead to a better self-image. You must get in the habit of praising yourself for a job well done, for trying something new or for any other behavior that you would like to encourage.

It might seem silly at first to constantly tell yourself, “Way to go!” every time you do your job, but you need to focus on this kind of self-talk until thinking positively about yourself becomes a habit.

A more visual form of positive self-talk is to make a written list of your best qualities. Really take your time and write down every single positive thing about yourself, from the aspects of your appearance you feel proudest of, to the activities you do best. When you’ve finished your list, store it somewhere safe but easy to find. Whenever you start feeling down and defeated, simply pull out your list and replace the negative thoughts with your list of great qualities.

Creative visualization is a popular technique that helps people achieve their goals. The idea of visualization is that you repeatedly envision a desired outcome. In a way, it’s a form of focused daydreaming. If you were a basketball player, you would visualize yourself sinking a free throw with perfect form. If you’re working to improve your self-confidence, you would want to visualize some action that embodies confidence for you. Perhaps it would be giving a speech or being a social butterfly at a gala event. Some suggest that you should make some small movement while visualizing, like touching two fingers together, in order to imprint the feeling that comes along with the vision. Then later you can bring the desired feeling to the forefront by repeating the movement. The larger idea, though, is that the visualization is a form of practice for the outcome you would like to see.

Teen Girls

Girls are much more likely than boys to become depressed, delve into self-destructive behaviors and damage their futures because of low self-esteem. The easiest way to help them develop a healthy self-image is by encouraging them to try and master new things. Of course, you’ll have to make sure they are listening first – and to you, not the cell phone.

Talk with your daughters. Talk to your teen girls every day, just like when they were back in grade. “What was the hardest class you had today?” “Have you studied WWII yet in American History?” “How did the scrimmage go in basketball?”

Maybe you’re looking at that list of questions and asking yourself, “which classes are my kids in at school?” If you’ve completely withdrawn from your child’s life, now is the time to get reacquainted. Meet with your child’s principal or school counselor. Find out what classes she’s taking and what extracurriculars she’s in.

Toss the grades out the window. Parents, it’s time to admit that short list of letters exists mainly for us. A, B, C, D … they don’t demonstrate how hard our kids work in class, just how many answers they get right. They might have worked hard studying, but they also might have had a lucky guess.

You can’t test effort, but you can see it. Get involved with your daughter’s friends and her academics by offering to host club meetings and study groups. Being involved with your teen girl, and particularly being a good listener, will help her feel supported and secure.

The personal benefits of being self confident before entering into any sort of relationship include being able to hold your own, offering your best possible self to the partnership and being less likely to get drawn into unhealthy relationships. Even in relationships that you didn’t choose, such as those with family members, self-confidence can avoid conflicts and unpleasant feelings.

Family relationships color every aspect of the person you become. Luckily, most people have a healthy relationship and enjoy the company of their family. If there’s a distant relative that they don’t really like, they can bite their tongue during Thanksgiving dinner. Some family relationships aren’t that pleasant, though. If a family member is manipulative, demeaning or abusive, it can be hard to step out from under their control. It’s never too late to be confident and stand up for yourself in an unpleasant situation. Sometimes you can accomplish change through a family meeting and a frank discussion of the problem. Sometimes it might mean maintaining your distance and walking away from a family gathering.

Whether you’re new to the dating scene or a world-weary veteran, confidence is an essential tool for seeking a romantic relationship. Confidence is attractive. When you have self-confidence, you’re also less likely to put yourself in situations that could lead to trouble. A lack of confidence could lead to minor problems like never doing what you like on a date because you don’t think that your interests are exciting. A lack of confidence could also lead to more threatening situations like getting involved with manipulative or abusive partners.

The most obvious source of confidence building in books comes from self-help titles. Whether your road to confidence includes losing weight, building better familial relationships or becoming more assertive, just to name a few, there’s a title out there for you. These motivational works often include detailed plans for turning your life around as well as inspirational stories and examples. While not every detail will work for you, they can provide a good base for your own personalized plan of attack.

Biographies and autobiographies bring the rich and famous to you. You can find out their secrets for success. Even if they don’t talk directly about the source of their confidence, you can draw inspiration from their achievements and the hard work they put into them. They may even admit that they really don’t feel that secure and confident, which can certainly make you feel better about yourself.

Why think poorly of yourself when you’re in a slump when even successful people don’t always feel confident? Just don’t use this as an excuse to stop working on your own confidence.

Memoirs are another source of true-life characters to emulate. Memoirs are often more literary in nature than autobiographies. Usually a writer publishes her memoir because she has faced compelling and universally-applicable struggles in her life. Sometimes memoirs can provide readers with a negative example of what not to do in seeking greater confidence.

You don’t need to confine yourself to true stories, though. You can draw confidence from the example of strong characters in even the most fantastical fiction. Simply look for the essential qualities that make a character confident or what is lacking in a character who does not display self-confidence.

Motivational speakers may seem cheesy and overly excited at first glance, but they may be able to provide you with just the push you need to feel more confident. Their specialty is in getting people pumped up, and isn’t that, in effect, what you need to do – get pumped up about yourself? You can attend a one-time speech or set off for a weekend seminar or conference. You can usually find CDs, tapes, DVDs or videos of the most popular motivational speakers, but you will lose something of the dynamics of a live performance. Still, this option may fit your budget better.

Life coaches are a relatively new offering in the motivational field. They aren’t licensed therapists; they are simply professionals who have taken it upon themselves to help others reach their full potential. Think of a life coach as having a highly motivated and inspirational friend on your side. Your life coach may meet with you in person or discuss your goals during phone consultations as they help you improve any area of your life, building your confidence.

One often forgotten resource in seeking counseling and guidance is religious professionals. If you follow a religion, you can turn to your priest, pastor, rabbi, deacon or other respect figure for advice. While most suggestions will naturally have a religious component to them, suggesting prayer and Bible study for instance, religious professionals are qualified to offer suggestions for any area of your life.

There are entire sections of self-help books in every bookstore. Even if a book doesn’t deal specifically with self-confidence, general tips on improving your life may still be helpful. You may also find that you have certain aspects of your personality or appearance that you feel the need to change before you can feel confident. There is sure to be a book related to your individual need. Some books offer specific plans and worksheets for achieving your goals, others provide inspirational stories of others who have achieved the intended goal, while the best combine the two.

1. Work on your conversational skills

Improving your conversational skills can help you feel more comfortable and confident in any social situation which will lead to larger confidence overall. If you practice maintaining eye contact and being a good listener, you will also give off a more confident aura and you can enjoy the benefits of being treated as a confident person.

2. Set goals

As with anything you want to achieve, building confidence will be easier if you set specific goals. Whether you want to be confident enough to be president of an organization or simply give a presentation at the next department meeting, you can then create an action plan for achieving this goal.

3. Get involved

When you become involved in an organization, project or committee, the new experiences, improved skills and chances for leadership and personal development can help improve confidence. Think about joining a professional organization, signing up for a committee at work or volunteering your time at a worthwhile organization.

4. Use positive imagery and self-talk

The road to self-confidence is primarily a mental exercise. Visualizing yourself as a confident person is one way to create a confident mentality. Positive affirmations are another way of building confidence. Tell yourself that you are a confident person and don’t give negative thoughts room to grow.

5. Seek professional help

Motivational speakers make their living from helping people make the most of their lives, which often involves helping their listeners build confidence. If you can’t attend a seminar in person, many speakers also offer DVDs and CDs of their motivational performances. Numerous self-help books are also available that can lead you to helpful strategies for building confidence. Life coaches provide one-on-one help to assist customers in reaching their potential. If there are more deep-seated issues getting in the way of feeling confident, you may wish to look into counseling or psychiatric help. Depression and other illnesses can decimate your self-confidence, and simply thinking positive thoughts or attending a motivational talk aren’t enough to feel better.

Finding your own style is a great way to feel more confident about the clothes you wear. Look to fashion magazines, catalogues and your stylish friends and associates for inspiration, but then create a look that’s entirely your own.

Whether you prefer a tailored look or a hippie bohemian style, whatever makes you feel comfortable with yourself is the right choice.

There are times when you’ll need to ignore this personal style and wear clothes that are appropriate for a certain occasion. When you’re faced with such an event, or even if you have to do it every day for your job, find a way to make the required dress work for you, perhaps by adding your own style with subtle accessories. And if you just can’t think of a way to feel comfortable in a tuxedo or the lime green bridesmaid dress your friend selected, draw confidence from the fact that everyone around you feels the same way.

When it comes to clothes, the most important thing is to wear items that make you feel confident and avoid everything else. If you have a shirt that clings to your stomach and makes you feel incredibly fat, then the obvious answer is to not wear that shirt anymore. Too many people would continue to wear the shirt and feel their self-confidence drop every time they put it on. Find pieces that work with your body type and your best natural attributes. If you’re not sure how to do it, ask your most stylish friend or family member or find a full-service clothing store.

Denial is the refusal to be held accountable for your actions. The Blame Game. Pointing the finger. When you give the power of your life over to events and other people, there is no hope for improvement. There’s no ability to improve, and your skills are seen as worthless.

The Power of Responsibility

Self-confidence relies heavily on feeling good about your ability to change and improve your situation. Faith on yourself. People suffering from denial take themselves out of the question, and leave their lives up to others to fix.

It’s very hard to take back responsibility of your actions once you’ve given it away. In essence you say nothing you do does anything at all, so someone else must be doing things for you.

Giving responsibility over your life has some subtle benefits, for the right person. If you honestly believe nothing you do has consequences, you never feel guilty. That leads to a lot of confusion when your actions hurt someone, especially those close to you.

Giving responsibility to someone else also means you never have to worry about leaving your comfort zone. You can stay who you are, where you are, forever, and anything results – in your mind – was meant to happen to you.

Because people in denial do not believe they control their actions, they don’t focus on how what they do affects what they want. They’re often found sabotaging their own needs to fulfill the expectations of other people. The self-destructive behaviors that result will not end until the person takes back responsibility for their lives.

Taking it back

The first issue for anyone in denial to overcome is their sense of worthlessness. People don’t just give up their rights to get out of responsibility. They have a serious need of proof that they’re competent.

Similarly, later in life, people go through narcissistic stints. Hugh hits 40 and spends his retirement fund (meant to provide for he and his wife in their later years) and buys a Dodge Viper. He doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings, or their future life together. He doesn’t care about anything but meeting his wants and needs for right now. Then there is Lorie who moves directly from grad school back into her parents house. She pretends not to notice her mom’s nudging, but honestly, she just doesn’t care if she’s a bother. She isn’t ready to get a job and move out.

Narcissism tends to pop up whenever people go through transitions. You may feel this way the next time you’re trying to figure out your role in life. Once you do, you stop thinking about all the wonderful things you have to offer and remember you have opportunities to improve.

When is Narcissism a Problem?

If during those transitional times, particularly as a young child, your search for your place is interrupted, you stop relying on others to help you. You become an independent component in the Universe, a world unto yourself. You no longer need others. Therefore, what you do is perfect, and there is no room for improvement. This is different from a perfectionist who fears criticism. Narcissists don’t believe others’ criticism has any merit.

Narcissism is a problem because it keeps you from improving your circumstances. It’s also terrible on the people around you. True narcissists will lie, cheat, abuse and steal. No matter what they do, they feel justified in doing it.

Watch how you comment on the appearance of others. Do you regularly tell your brother that he’d look great if he just lost a few pounds? Do you constantly slip your best friend the number of your personal stylist? While there’s nothing wrong with encouraging your friends and family to improve themselves, there’s a fine line between encouraging and meddling. Constant nagging on the part of even well meaning associates can lead to nagging feelings of doubt. Sure, you were fine with your appearance, but if even your friends think you’re fat/ugly/hairy/etc. then maybe there is something horribly wrong with you.

Do you praise the positive attributes and qualities of your friends, family and co-workers? Sometimes we’re too quick to point out faults and lay blame while the good aspects are overlooked. Positive reinforcement can build confidence and lead to success.

Have you ever seen a quality in someone else that they didn’t seem to realize? Maybe a friend is a great listener or you wife is creative, but they never use these skills to their own benefit. Perhaps they don’t have confidence in their own abilities. It only takes a few minutes of your time to tell a friend about the positive things you see in them and to encourage them to try a new activity that suits them.

Think about all of the customer service personnel you encounter in your daily life. How do you treat them? It can be so easy to yell at the cashier when your cottage cheese doesn’t ring up on sale. Even a simple “hello” and “thank you” can instantly improve any interaction. By showing respect for others, you can help them have respect for themselves and increase their self-confidence.