The most important step to being confident is to believe that you’re worthy of being confident. This can require an entire change in your mindset until you’re truly happy with the person you’ve become. It might not be easy, and it might not be a quick change, but it’s well worth the effort.

Self-talk is one form of building confidence through positive thinking. Positive affirmations can replace negative thoughts in your mind and lead to a better self-image. You must get in the habit of praising yourself for a job well done, for trying something new or for any other behavior that you would like to encourage.

It might seem silly at first to constantly tell yourself, “Way to go!” every time you do your job, but you need to focus on this kind of self-talk until thinking positively about yourself becomes a habit.

A more visual form of positive self-talk is to make a written list of your best qualities. Really take your time and write down every single positive thing about yourself, from the aspects of your appearance you feel proudest of, to the activities you do best. When you’ve finished your list, store it somewhere safe but easy to find. Whenever you start feeling down and defeated, simply pull out your list and replace the negative thoughts with your list of great qualities.

Creative visualization is a popular technique that helps people achieve their goals. The idea of visualization is that you repeatedly envision a desired outcome. In a way, it’s a form of focused daydreaming. If you were a basketball player, you would visualize yourself sinking a free throw with perfect form. If you’re working to improve your self-confidence, you would want to visualize some action that embodies confidence for you. Perhaps it would be giving a speech or being a social butterfly at a gala event. Some suggest that you should make some small movement while visualizing, like touching two fingers together, in order to imprint the feeling that comes along with the vision. Then later you can bring the desired feeling to the forefront by repeating the movement. The larger idea, though, is that the visualization is a form of practice for the outcome you would like to see.

Some people who are labeled “shy” are actually introverts. Introverts draw their energy from within themselves rather than from interacting with others. So while an extrovert is making the rounds at an event, the introvert may sit in the corner, observing and thinking about the interesting qualities of the guests around him.

Actual shyness involves more of a feeling of fear. Shy people may not sit back because they prefer to observe; they will sit back because they are afraid of being rejected by others or from similar feelings.

In some cases, shyness is actually a sign of a deeper problem like social anxiety. If your shyness is debilitating, then you may wish to disregard all other advice and seek out a mental health professional to discuss helpful therapies.

One of the keys to being confident in any situation is to be happy with yourself.

If you’re perfectly content with being shy and quiet, there’s no need to change anything, and you’re sure to be a confident person.

If you’re secure in your shyness, you may want to get your friends and family on board to help maintain your confidence. Well-meaning relatives will often try to force a shy person into conversation or otherwise put him on the spot, making him increasingly uncomfortable. The more that other people treat you like there’s something wrong with you, the more likely you are to start to lose confidence and agree with their perception. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are.

If you feel like your shyness really is impeding your ability to be happy and confident, then you should commit yourself to decreasing your level of shyness.

Motivational speakers may seem cheesy and overly excited at first glance, but they may be able to provide you with just the push you need to feel more confident. Their specialty is in getting people pumped up, and isn’t that, in effect, what you need to do – get pumped up about yourself? You can attend a one-time speech or set off for a weekend seminar or conference. You can usually find CDs, tapes, DVDs or videos of the most popular motivational speakers, but you will lose something of the dynamics of a live performance. Still, this option may fit your budget better.

Life coaches are a relatively new offering in the motivational field. They aren’t licensed therapists; they are simply professionals who have taken it upon themselves to help others reach their full potential. Think of a life coach as having a highly motivated and inspirational friend on your side. Your life coach may meet with you in person or discuss your goals during phone consultations as they help you improve any area of your life, building your confidence.

One often forgotten resource in seeking counseling and guidance is religious professionals. If you follow a religion, you can turn to your priest, pastor, rabbi, deacon or other respect figure for advice. While most suggestions will naturally have a religious component to them, suggesting prayer and Bible study for instance, religious professionals are qualified to offer suggestions for any area of your life.

There are entire sections of self-help books in every bookstore. Even if a book doesn’t deal specifically with self-confidence, general tips on improving your life may still be helpful. You may also find that you have certain aspects of your personality or appearance that you feel the need to change before you can feel confident. There is sure to be a book related to your individual need. Some books offer specific plans and worksheets for achieving your goals, others provide inspirational stories of others who have achieved the intended goal, while the best combine the two.

How can you tell if you’re experiencing a lack of self-confidence at work? While clear feelings of self-doubt may occur, it’s not always so obvious. You may find yourself passing on assignments that you’re afraid are beyond your reach, while creating unrelated excuses for why you can’t complete them. You may procrastinate until you run out of time to complete a project. You may sabotage yourself by not putting the necessary effort into a task because you figure that you’re not going to succeed anyway.

This isn’t to say that every work problem is caused by or a sign of low self-confidence, but it can often be the underlying cause of larger problems.

If you lack self-confidence, then those feelings of low self-esteem can be apparent to others. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should your boss or co-workers believe in you? If you’re not sure about how your self-confidence is viewed by your co-workers, have a talk with a trusted friend. He or she may be able to help you put your image in perspective.

When others at work notice your lack of self-confidence, it can create a vicious cycle. You don’t feel confident, and your boss senses these feelings or sees the results of procrastination and other symptoms. He or she begins to give you less important assignments and puts less trust in you. You notice this lack of trust and it sends your own self-confidence plummeting even more.

However, it doesn’t have to end this way. Once you’ve admitted that you’re having some self-confidence problems at work, where do you go from there?

One of the best ways to feel confident on the job is to be prepared – it’s not just a motto for Boy Scouts. Whether it’s a daily interoffice memo or the big year-end presentation, being well prepared will result in more confidence. This extra confidence comes both from putting yourself in a more stress-free position and from pride in a job well done.

The first step to feeling confident about your job search is to let go of any lingering bad thoughts from the past. If you left your last position under unfavorable circumstances, don’t let this get you down. You should certainly look to your past mistakes to avoid repeating them, but if you truly want to change, it’s possible. You’ll never find your next new job if you let a former unpleasant experience influence your view of yourself, though.

If you feel like you have lingering problems that will get in the way of successfully finding a job, consider visiting a job counselor, career center or job bank. You’ll find professionals who can give you an honest assessment of your skills and abilities. They can set you on the right track to improvement and confidence.

As you set out on your job search, consider taking a class or learning a new skill for a boost of confidence. Now, just learning something new is enough to make you feel intelligent and vital, but it’s even better if your new endeavor is relevant to the field in which you would like to work. That’s not to discount the personal growth that can come from simply becoming more educated, but the benefits are more obvious if you can take Japanese language classes and then find a job with a tech firm with offices in Japan. You’ll feel more confident, and you’ll also create another selling point for yourself as a potential employee.

Your resume is the first step to creating a confident image as it’s the first impression potential employers have of you. You have to have faith in your past education, experiences and accomplishments. While you must always be truthful in a resume, this is not the time to be modest. Bragging about yourself requires a certain about of confidence, but it’s essential to getting the job. Employers want to see specific results, like “increased sales 75%,” from your past positions. Your word choice is important when constructing your resume as small doubts can come to light as lackluster wording and passive verbs.

Set Your Boundaries

We all have guidelines for behaviors we will and won’t accept. It’s unrealistic to think people will only make us happy all of the time, but with boundaries in place, you’ll deal with problems less.

It is okay to apply these boundaries to everyone. Your parents have no more right to abuse you than the bill collector. If you wouldn’t take treatment from a stranger without complaining, then make sure to stick up to the loved ones in your life too.

Lee lives about a block from her elderly mother, and every morning at 5:00 the phone starts to ring. The requests come non-stop until finally it’s time for her to go to work. By the time Lee gets home, there are several messages on her machine.

This constant barrage of responsibility is making Lee tired and angry. She wouldn’t accept this treatment from a bill collector, so why does she put up with it from mom? Guilt. Ever since her father died, Lee’s mother has been listless. Her daughter is afraid of what she might do without support.

Lee’s actions aren’t meeting up with her intentions. She wants to offer her mom love and caring, but her frustration starts to interfere. Their discussions now are short and snippy, and Lee’s mother is becoming even more insecure about her future.

Lee needs to figure out how many calls a day is right for her, and how many trips a week she can make for her mother. Not how many she should, but how many she can do without becoming resentful. That is what will make her mother feel unsupported, so that is the problem to be avoided.

Similarly, later in life, people go through narcissistic stints. Hugh hits 40 and spends his retirement fund (meant to provide for he and his wife in their later years) and buys a Dodge Viper. He doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings, or their future life together. He doesn’t care about anything but meeting his wants and needs for right now. Then there is Lorie who moves directly from grad school back into her parents house. She pretends not to notice her mom’s nudging, but honestly, she just doesn’t care if she’s a bother. She isn’t ready to get a job and move out.

Narcissism tends to pop up whenever people go through transitions. You may feel this way the next time you’re trying to figure out your role in life. Once you do, you stop thinking about all the wonderful things you have to offer and remember you have opportunities to improve.

When is Narcissism a Problem?

If during those transitional times, particularly as a young child, your search for your place is interrupted, you stop relying on others to help you. You become an independent component in the Universe, a world unto yourself. You no longer need others. Therefore, what you do is perfect, and there is no room for improvement. This is different from a perfectionist who fears criticism. Narcissists don’t believe others’ criticism has any merit.

Narcissism is a problem because it keeps you from improving your circumstances. It’s also terrible on the people around you. True narcissists will lie, cheat, abuse and steal. No matter what they do, they feel justified in doing it.

Why?

Perfectionism. Amy takes note of her positives, but has a hard time seeing acknowledging where she could improve. She avoids possibilities to avoid failures. It’s a habit which is having a serious effect on her quality of life, her son’s life, and her small business.

For more than a year, Amy has been discussion a distribution deal with two national buyers. Because she cannot fathom failure, she conveniently avoids setting these meetings up. She cannot improve her life, and consequently is stuck feeling unsuccessful.

Instead of being down on herself, she notes her abilities and avoids the rest. For someone like Amy the tiniest baby steps imaginable are needed in the directions she needs to go. Perfectionists excel at many areas of their lives. It’s the ones they don’t pay attention to that are the struggle.

What Do You Want?

Even perfectionists have dreams. Amy wants to own a home with a fenced-in yard her son can play in. In order to do that, she’ll need to sell much more or qualify for a mortgage. Unfortunately her ex-husband ruined her credit just before he took off.

It’s easy for her to say, “My business is already great, and my credit isn’t my fault. I can’t improve my situation.” This is where Amy needs to use her dreams to fuel her motivation … and boost her self-confidence.

Risking failure for a dream, particularly one that benefits those around you, is a worthy quest for any perfectionist. Making the decision to take on the challenge already lends them self-confidence.

Then, one day, new computers arrive into work, and out of the blue, he’s not so satisfied. Technology may be a weak spot, but one he mastered when the business was computerized years ago. What will he do now that he’s on the bottom rung of the ladder again?

Acknowledge What You Need

While programming and configuration may be way beyond what our friend has to offer, his bigger problem is a lack of confidence. After all, he won’t need to know how to program this computer. That’s already been done.

Sometimes we make jobs much bigger than they are as a way of diverting attention to our anxiety instead of trying to face our goals. Whenever you try something new, you run the risk of failing. Cut your anxiety down by pinpointing what you really have to do.

Our friend needs to learn how to use the programs on this new computer. That’s a big task all by itself. His first job though is figuring out how to turn it on. That’s a small job, and by acknowledging that task, and then completing it, he builds his confidence.

Always Think in Baby Steps

Your problem might be very simple. Maybe your teeth are on the darker side of yellow. You think, “My teeth look terrible. I want to make them whiter.” What does this entail?

Brushing more, drinking less tea, using bleaching agents that need to be picked up at the pharmacy? That’s a lot to accomplish in one fell swoop. If you stumble on one you may just give up on all of them. Break your task into baby steps.

Start with the most manageable task.

For our friend, that was turning on the computer. He looked around at the younger guys, the ones with more computer experience, and saw them pushing the circle in the corner of their keyboards. He did the same and the lights came on. Suddenly this doesn’t seem so hard.

Self-confident people work toward improvements that help them enjoy their lives. That matches their actions with their intentions, and see success as life improvements they enjoy. Working for Work’s sake – or your friends or parents and especially for the strangers down the street – rob you of self-confidence.

Overachievers judge themselves based on other people’s opinions. When a teacher tells an overachieving teen they’ve done well on a test, they feel confident in that subject. When a teacher tells them they’re disappointed in their work, they feel worthless regardless of how much effort they put into it.

Switching someone’s perspective from outward acknowledgment to inner satisfaction isn’t easy. Not even when that person is you.

Ditching Your Baggage

The key to self-confidence is deciding which activities you enjoy. What things do you like doing? Think hard about why. Do you like working as a volunteer because of your interaction with people, or because your name is printed in a bulletin at the end of each month?

Ending commitments can be very hard work. Partially because other people expect your participation even more now that you’ve made a name for yourself. Routine has a lot to do with things too. Overachievers typically like life to be predictable, even if it means doing things they don’t enjoy.

By doing this, you create a path to boredom and eventual self-sabotage. You should take pride and enjoyment from everything you do. Only then will you feel fulfilled and have the drive to improve your life and believe in yourself.