The most important step to being confident is to believe that you’re worthy of being confident. This can require an entire change in your mindset until you’re truly happy with the person you’ve become. It might not be easy, and it might not be a quick change, but it’s well worth the effort.

Self-talk is one form of building confidence through positive thinking. Positive affirmations can replace negative thoughts in your mind and lead to a better self-image. You must get in the habit of praising yourself for a job well done, for trying something new or for any other behavior that you would like to encourage.

It might seem silly at first to constantly tell yourself, “Way to go!” every time you do your job, but you need to focus on this kind of self-talk until thinking positively about yourself becomes a habit.

A more visual form of positive self-talk is to make a written list of your best qualities. Really take your time and write down every single positive thing about yourself, from the aspects of your appearance you feel proudest of, to the activities you do best. When you’ve finished your list, store it somewhere safe but easy to find. Whenever you start feeling down and defeated, simply pull out your list and replace the negative thoughts with your list of great qualities.

Creative visualization is a popular technique that helps people achieve their goals. The idea of visualization is that you repeatedly envision a desired outcome. In a way, it’s a form of focused daydreaming. If you were a basketball player, you would visualize yourself sinking a free throw with perfect form. If you’re working to improve your self-confidence, you would want to visualize some action that embodies confidence for you. Perhaps it would be giving a speech or being a social butterfly at a gala event. Some suggest that you should make some small movement while visualizing, like touching two fingers together, in order to imprint the feeling that comes along with the vision. Then later you can bring the desired feeling to the forefront by repeating the movement. The larger idea, though, is that the visualization is a form of practice for the outcome you would like to see.

One vital step to improving your self-confidence is to remove all the negative influences and naysayers from your life. You will never gain a better view of yourself and your positive attributes if someone is constantly putting you down, making fun of you, making you do things you aren’t proud of, or being abusive. If someone is actually abusive, remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. Get professional help if necessary. If someone is simply being unkind and uncaring, talking about it may help. Sit down with the other person and have an honest discussion with her about how you feel. Tell the other person how much it hurts you to hear her make derogatory comments about you. She may try to laugh it all off as a joke, but persist in saying that you are being serious about the issue. It may be difficult to let someone go if they have been your friend for years, or even worse, if you’re married to them. In the end, though, your self-confidence is worth more than a broken relationship, isn’t it?

Once you’ve removed others’ negativity from your life, it’s time to sit down and have a good look at your own negative thoughts. Are you your own worst enemy? Do you constantly tell yourself that you’re not good enough, smart enough or pretty enough to accomplish your goals? Do you compare yourself to impossible standards, like millionaires and movie stars? Do you put yourself down for making even the simplest mistakes? Do you let nagging doubts keep you from doing something you really want to do? Remove these defeatist thoughts from your mind for an instant confidence boost.

If your job is weighing down your self-confidence, then it may be time for a career change. If your problem is with your boss or the overall corporate climate, then you may just need to change jobs. If you dread coming to work because you hate the more fundamental aspects of your position like the job duties, it may be time to look into entering a completely different field.

The personal benefits of being self confident before entering into any sort of relationship include being able to hold your own, offering your best possible self to the partnership and being less likely to get drawn into unhealthy relationships. Even in relationships that you didn’t choose, such as those with family members, self-confidence can avoid conflicts and unpleasant feelings.

Family relationships color every aspect of the person you become. Luckily, most people have a healthy relationship and enjoy the company of their family. If there’s a distant relative that they don’t really like, they can bite their tongue during Thanksgiving dinner. Some family relationships aren’t that pleasant, though. If a family member is manipulative, demeaning or abusive, it can be hard to step out from under their control. It’s never too late to be confident and stand up for yourself in an unpleasant situation. Sometimes you can accomplish change through a family meeting and a frank discussion of the problem. Sometimes it might mean maintaining your distance and walking away from a family gathering.

Whether you’re new to the dating scene or a world-weary veteran, confidence is an essential tool for seeking a romantic relationship. Confidence is attractive. When you have self-confidence, you’re also less likely to put yourself in situations that could lead to trouble. A lack of confidence could lead to minor problems like never doing what you like on a date because you don’t think that your interests are exciting. A lack of confidence could also lead to more threatening situations like getting involved with manipulative or abusive partners.

The most obvious source of confidence building in books comes from self-help titles. Whether your road to confidence includes losing weight, building better familial relationships or becoming more assertive, just to name a few, there’s a title out there for you. These motivational works often include detailed plans for turning your life around as well as inspirational stories and examples. While not every detail will work for you, they can provide a good base for your own personalized plan of attack.

Biographies and autobiographies bring the rich and famous to you. You can find out their secrets for success. Even if they don’t talk directly about the source of their confidence, you can draw inspiration from their achievements and the hard work they put into them. They may even admit that they really don’t feel that secure and confident, which can certainly make you feel better about yourself.

Why think poorly of yourself when you’re in a slump when even successful people don’t always feel confident? Just don’t use this as an excuse to stop working on your own confidence.

Memoirs are another source of true-life characters to emulate. Memoirs are often more literary in nature than autobiographies. Usually a writer publishes her memoir because she has faced compelling and universally-applicable struggles in her life. Sometimes memoirs can provide readers with a negative example of what not to do in seeking greater confidence.

You don’t need to confine yourself to true stories, though. You can draw confidence from the example of strong characters in even the most fantastical fiction. Simply look for the essential qualities that make a character confident or what is lacking in a character who does not display self-confidence.

The first step to feeling confident about your job search is to let go of any lingering bad thoughts from the past. If you left your last position under unfavorable circumstances, don’t let this get you down. You should certainly look to your past mistakes to avoid repeating them, but if you truly want to change, it’s possible. You’ll never find your next new job if you let a former unpleasant experience influence your view of yourself, though.

If you feel like you have lingering problems that will get in the way of successfully finding a job, consider visiting a job counselor, career center or job bank. You’ll find professionals who can give you an honest assessment of your skills and abilities. They can set you on the right track to improvement and confidence.

As you set out on your job search, consider taking a class or learning a new skill for a boost of confidence. Now, just learning something new is enough to make you feel intelligent and vital, but it’s even better if your new endeavor is relevant to the field in which you would like to work. That’s not to discount the personal growth that can come from simply becoming more educated, but the benefits are more obvious if you can take Japanese language classes and then find a job with a tech firm with offices in Japan. You’ll feel more confident, and you’ll also create another selling point for yourself as a potential employee.

Your resume is the first step to creating a confident image as it’s the first impression potential employers have of you. You have to have faith in your past education, experiences and accomplishments. While you must always be truthful in a resume, this is not the time to be modest. Bragging about yourself requires a certain about of confidence, but it’s essential to getting the job. Employers want to see specific results, like “increased sales 75%,” from your past positions. Your word choice is important when constructing your resume as small doubts can come to light as lackluster wording and passive verbs.

Then, one day, new computers arrive into work, and out of the blue, he’s not so satisfied. Technology may be a weak spot, but one he mastered when the business was computerized years ago. What will he do now that he’s on the bottom rung of the ladder again?

Acknowledge What You Need

While programming and configuration may be way beyond what our friend has to offer, his bigger problem is a lack of confidence. After all, he won’t need to know how to program this computer. That’s already been done.

Sometimes we make jobs much bigger than they are as a way of diverting attention to our anxiety instead of trying to face our goals. Whenever you try something new, you run the risk of failing. Cut your anxiety down by pinpointing what you really have to do.

Our friend needs to learn how to use the programs on this new computer. That’s a big task all by itself. His first job though is figuring out how to turn it on. That’s a small job, and by acknowledging that task, and then completing it, he builds his confidence.

Always Think in Baby Steps

Your problem might be very simple. Maybe your teeth are on the darker side of yellow. You think, “My teeth look terrible. I want to make them whiter.” What does this entail?

Brushing more, drinking less tea, using bleaching agents that need to be picked up at the pharmacy? That’s a lot to accomplish in one fell swoop. If you stumble on one you may just give up on all of them. Break your task into baby steps.

Start with the most manageable task.

For our friend, that was turning on the computer. He looked around at the younger guys, the ones with more computer experience, and saw them pushing the circle in the corner of their keyboards. He did the same and the lights came on. Suddenly this doesn’t seem so hard.

Step One: Making the Commitment

You’ll find your goals are easier to reach once you can focus on them in your mind. What exactly do you want to do? What – exactly – are the steps needed to take you there?

It’s easy to say you want to live a healthier life, but you won’t accomplish anything by trying to cover everything at once. Look at your current abilities, and what you’re able to tackle right now. Using your strengths, how can reach your overall goal? Eating more Vegetables? Cutting down on smoking? Exercising with friends?

Pin down your goal and focus your efforts on taking manageable steps in that direction.

Step Two: Put it in Writing

Making a commitment is a lot like making a map. It’s easier to follow your decisions when you’ve laid them down on paper.

When you can see your plan, when you have a chance to check items off one by one, you feel powerful and in control of your situation. Writing things down strengthens you focus, and gives you a reminder of what you have to work on.

Step Three: Kick into Action

Start once you make your commitment. If you wait for the next day, or the next week, or after the holidays, etc you will keep coming up with reasons to avoid starting at all. Worse, you’ll find reasons to stop midstream.

If you find yourself tempted, it may be a sign that your baby steps aren’t small enough. “Never drinking soda pop ever again” may work for someone who drinks a very small amount, but for someone who lives on carbonation, it’s not realistic.

Remember, self-confident people honor their abilities and know their limitations. They don’t set themselves up for fairly. Be good to your spirit by setting goals that won’t drag you off-course.

This isn’t to say that they’re imaginary but that your confidence depends on your personal thoughts and perceptions about the way you look. If you can change the way you think about your appearance, you can change your level of self-confidence.

Weight is a common problem when it comes to self-confidence. Most people like to blame the pervasive media images of stick-thin women and buff men, but it’s also possible for something more personal to cause feelings of doubt when it comes to your weight. Maybe your grandma always called you “chubby” or your high school sweetheart left you for a linebacker.

Along with weight, many are concerned that they will never be listed among the world’s “most beautiful people.” For the most part, you just have to accept the hand that genetics has dealt you, but remember that even the stars have to be airbrushed to look as good as they do in magazine photo spreads.

Your appearance also relies on a few factors outside of genetics. What you wear, from your shoes to your glasses, and how you style your hair are often the first things that others will notice about your appearance.

The first thing that you must do to improve confidence in your appearance is let go of self-doubt. Stop your negative thoughts about being too fat or not handsome enough. Then, if you’re receiving negative feedback from others, make sure you stop listening to it. The only way to gain self-confidence is to feel confident about yourself as you are.

Reality television shows that give people makeovers perpetuate the myth that someone can be “fixed” with enough plastic surgery to make them beautiful. It may be tempting to turn to plastic surgery to correct perceived flaws in your appearance. However, that will only change the surface; it won’t change the way you fundamentally feel about yourself. Instead of being someone with low self-esteem, you’ll be someone with low self-esteem and high cheekbones.

Teenagers who do well in school tend to feel more confident. Keep on top of your teen’s homework. Set aside a time and place for completing assignments every night. If your teen has difficulties or needs help working to her potential, look into tutoring programs or learning centers. She may fight it, but she’ll appreciate the boost in the long run.

Being involved in extracurricular activities is a surefire way to build self-confidence. While specific possibilities vary from school to school, there’s a little something for everyone. The musically-inclined will want to try out marching band or choir while your family’s Trivial Pursuit champion may want to join the quiz bowl team. Clubs and teams give teens an instant peer group, allow them to experience the satisfaction of working with others towards a goal, and often help them develop leadership skills. Every aspect of the experience lends itself to increased confidence.

If your teen isn’t interested in any of the clubs or sports offered at school, look for activities in the community. Weekly dance classes, riding lessons or martial arts training will help your teen gain confidence as he learns perseverance, dedication and hard work, skills that will stay with him long after the specifics of technique are lost.

Volunteering is another extracurricular option. Some high school clubs, such as National Honor Society and Key Club, focus on community service, but it’s also possible to approach an organization like the humane society or a senior center and ask if they need any help. Encourage your teen to find an organization or cause she is truly interested in, but don’t force it. Compulsory volunteering is no longer truly volunteering. It becomes a chore and many of the “feel good” benefits can be diminished.

Surprisingly, bullies may actually have low self confidence. They pick on others who are weaker to make them feel better about themselves. This isn’t always the case, though. Sometimes bullies have so much self-confidence that they can’t possibly fathom why what they are doing is wrong. Most victims of bullies, however, firmly fall in the camp of low confidence. And if they don’t have little self-confidence to begin with, they will soon see their confidence diminish in the face of constant attacks.

Now why is it that bullies tend to pick on people who already display low self-confidence? Can bullies smell fear? In some cases, yes, bullies can pick up on nervous body language, but bullies are also likely to try to pick on anyone. Victims who stand up for themselves and don’t give bullies the reaction they seek won’t be picked on a second time.

If your child is the victim of bullying, you’ll want to do everything you can to prevent her self-confidence from being permanently affected. If you’re afraid that your child wouldn’t tell you if she were being bullied, look for sudden changes in her behavior or suspicious cuts or bruises that may signal trouble at school.

Teach your child what to do if a bully confronts him. An important lesson for everyone to remember is that bullying is solely a matter of power, but bullies only have as much power as you allow them to have. A confident and self-assured child won’t allow a bully to take power from them.