The Blame Game

“It’s not my fault…” fuels many self-destructive behaviors. Unsafe sex with multiple partners. Drugs. Alcohol. Voluntary unemployment. Homelessness. It’s the easiest thing in the world to blame someone else for your actions, but how much sense does it make when you’re stuck living the consequences?

Blamers first step is to take responsibility for the choices they make in the here and the now. That may mean considering something a long time before taking action. That may mean taking the opportunity to take part in certain things out of the equation. If you do drugs on a regular basis, you may need to move to an area where you don’t know the suppliers to keep yourself safe.

Set Your Eyes on a Prize

Really accepting that you deserve to be happy can take a long time, and most likely you will need therapy. A lot of people think they’ve reached that point when they are really fulfilling their abusers’ negative prophecies.

Discount “deserving” all together. People get things they don’t deserve all the time. It’s as easy as buying a lottery ticket, or being born into the right family (or in the right country). Much of where we are and what opportunities we have boil down to luck. The rest is what we do with our opportunities.

What is one thing you want to do with your life? What are the small steps you need to take to make it there? If they are too big, break them down even more?

Do you need to go to college? Fill out the FAFSA and see if you apply for financial aid. That’s a small task leading up to a much larger goal of becoming a licensed therapist one day.

Your chance at being self-confident, successful and enjoying life has not disappeared. You may need to take some extra steps, and you may have a long road ahead, but the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll get there.

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